


Two Lost Souls

by Writer_Geekgirl



Series: Two Lost Souls [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2019-01-17 02:19:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12355443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writer_Geekgirl/pseuds/Writer_Geekgirl
Summary: Dean Winchester and Castiel are two lost souls, broken by the world, that find each other.





	Two Lost Souls

Dean Winchester walked through the mall teeming with holiday shoppers on Christmas Eve, trying to ignore all of the trappings of the season. His hands were thrust deep into his pockets, as he kept his shoulders squared, and looked at the ground. People seemed to sense the tension coiled in his body and made a path for him. Dean had avoided crowds since "the incident" happened. That's what he called the near fatal shooting that nearly cost him his life eighteen months earlier while on a FBI raid to help stop a human trafficking ring. He had been shot in the head as he dived to protect a young girl. He had saved her life, but his life was forever altered. After months of physical and speech therapy, he could almost blend back in society--almost, but not quite. He had a scar that started on his left cheek that went up the side of his face until it got obscured under his sandy brown hair. 

Dean finally arrived at his destination in the mall. He had ordered a charm for the wife of his younger brother, Sam. With the exception of the previous year, he had gotten Jess a silver charm of some animal from the jewelry store for her bracelet every Christmas since she started dating Sam. The previous year he still wasn't mobile enough to get to the mall. Jess loved every type of animal that ever existed.

Jess was the only reason he was out today. She had just recently gone back to work after taking off almost a year from her job as a nurse helping Dean recover. Hell, her stubbornness and determination might be the only reason he had come as far as he had. 

As he walked into the jewelry store, he finally felt he could relax. It was not nearly as crowded here as it was outside. He smiled a greeting at the blonde behind the jewelry counter. "Hi, Jan. Haven't seen you for a while."

He tried to ignore the stare she gave his scar before she answered. "Hi, Dean. I have your order ready." She gave him a fake smile that didn't reach her eyes, awkward and stilted.

She went to the back to get his order.

Dean turned around to glance around the store. He noticed a man in a tan trench coat staring intently at a display of charms. The man's dark hair was unruly like he had just gotten out of bed without combing it. The man was about the same age as Dean, late 30s. He looked confused. 

He suddenly looked up at Dean. Dean was amazed at how blue the man's eyes were.

"If you were a sixteen year old girl, would you like cats or dogs more?" The man asked Dean in a deep gravelly voice.

"Pardon me?" Dean was startled the man talked to him. The man captured his eyes and they stared at each other for a long minute.

"Sixteen year old girl, cat or dog?"

Dean wondered how the hell he was supposed to know. His mom died in a fire when he was four, and he had no sisters. He suddenly thought of Jess and how she described her cat as being her best friend growing up. "Cat, definitely cat."

The man gave him a tilted half smile. "Thank you."

Dean found himself smiling back despite himself. The man hadn't stared at his scar; he almost seemed like he hadn't seen it.

Jan spoke up behind him said, "Dean, you order is ready." Dean reluctantly turned around. He paid for the charm and turned around. He noticed the man was at the counter with a different sales associate. 

Dean slipped the box with the charm into his pocket. He felt reluctant to leave because his interaction with the blue-eyed man felt like the first normal human reaction he had had in months. Jess had bullied him into submission and their interactions were good, but she had assumed a caregiver attitude with him he hadn't been able to escape. His tall, awkward lawyer brother kept looking at him with sorrowful pity, like he always thought if everything that Dean had lost--his career, his fiancée, some of his fine motor skills. He loved Sam, but Sam's empathy made Dean feel smothered at times. Dean just really wanted to be normal.

Dean sighed and turned around, reluctantly merging into the teeming masses. He headed for the food court. He knew he would regret it, but he hadn't had anything to eat yet that day and he knew he needed to eat something. His appetite had never really returned after everything, he had to force himself to remember to eat. 

After standing in a long line, he bought some Chinese food. Most of the tables were taking by throngs of people but he found a more secluded table in a corner by potted palm tree. Dean was lost in thought until he heard the gravelly voice. The blue-eyed man was staring down at him holding a tray with a salad. "I'm having problems finding a table, may I join you?"

"Sure, umm…"

The man smiled at him and said, "Castiel Novak. It's not too forward calling you by your name was it? I heard the sales associate call you."

"No, that's fine, Cas. Is calling you Cas ok? My name is Winchester, Dean."

"Nobody has called me that before, but I like it."

"I've never heard the name Castiel before."

Cas gave him a shy smile. "My mother named me after the angel of Thursday. She was a bit on the religious side and I was born on a Thursday. Thank you for your help in the jewelry store. I'm lost at buying things for my daughter."

"Kids are hard. I don't have any, but I practically raised Sam, my brother. I was buying a charm for his wife. Couldn't your wife help you?"

"Divorced. She moved to Southern California. Amelia recently moved back here because her parents are getting older. I didn't get to see Claire often because I was deployed overseas a lot. Now, I'm hoping to make up for lost time, if Claire will forgive me."

"Army?"

Castiel nodded. "Ex-Army now." He gave Dean a slow smile. Dean felt a strong connection to Castiel. It was confusing because he had never felt this way before. Dean couldn't help but stare into his eyes. Green eyes held blue for several minutes. Dean finally cleared his throat.

"New to town then?"

"A return. I grew up here, met Amelia in high school, I went to work in her Dad's advertising firm after college, had a baby girl, and would have had the fairy tale life. But I screwed it up. Spent 10 years in the Army and now I'm here." Castiel gave him a resigned look. "Sometimes, you accept things because it's the easiest to do at the time. But then you realize that easiest doesn't mean best."

Dean felt conflicted. He didn't want to talk about himself, but Castiel had been so open with him. "I was hurt in an accident at work and have had to take some time off. I can't go back to what I used to do. Sam and Jess lived here, so I came here to live after my accident." He waited for a look of pity or disdain in Castiel's face, but didn't see any.

"I'm glad you have them. Family is important."

"Do you have any here?"

"I have brothers and sisters scattered around the Midwest, but they no longer talk to me. I rebelled and became the black sheep of the family. My mother died when I was young. My father just walked out on us. Claire is pretty much all I have."

Dean felt new appreciation for Jess putting her life on hold for a year to put him back together, and for Sam for putting up with it. What happened to Dean was difficult, but he had family that helped him get through it.

"What do you do for a liv…" A sudden loud noise made Dean freeze. Someone had dropped their tray, but to Dean it sounded like a gunshot for a second. He started to hyperventilate. The noise of the shoppers suddenly seemed deafening and everything was closing in on him. His eyes became unfocused and he shuddered.

He felt a hand on top of his. "Dean, Dean, it's ok. Come back to me. Look at me." Castiel said gently. "Breath with me."

Dean felt the hammering in his heart slow down. He refocused on Castiel's voice. He matched his breath with Castiel's. He suddenly felt extremely embarrassed. "I have to go." Dean took off, practically running away. He didn't calm down until he reached his car, a classic '67 Impala. He slid into the car. He didn't know what Castiel must think of him. He frowned in regret as he put the car into gear and drove away.

When he arrived to his apartment, he went to his bedroom and changed into sweats and a t-shirt. His apartment was relatively new; he had only recently moved out of Sam and Jess' place. It was sparsely decorated with a cheap Ikea couch, a side table, and a large screen television. A bookcase housed his collection of DVDs. He didn't have a table yet. He had barstools next to the high counter in the kitchen. It still felt more like a hotel to him than a home. But then again, for the greater part of the last 15 years, he had been living out of suitcases at hotels as he went from case to case. Dean had never put down many roots anywhere. He and Sam had to endure a very nomadic life as children, and it had taught Dean to always travel light. But now that he nowhere to go, he hadn't quite adjusted to having a space of his own. He went to the drawer where he kept wrapping paper to wrap Jess' Christmas present. 

He went to look for charm and realized that he left it on the table in the food court. "Sonovabitch." He closed his eyes in frustration. He had his first anxiety attack in weeks, had to have it in front of someone who could have possibly become a friend, and now the only person that he ever spent time actually selecting gifts for wasn't getting one. Sam loved books so much, he always just got him an Amazon card so he could add more things to his Kindle. But, he had always wanted to do something special for Jess.

Dean was startled by a knock on the door. He walked over pulled the door open to say he didn't want any of whatever the person was trying to sale, and paused. Castiel was standing there with the package in his hand. "Hello Dean. I went back to the jewelry store and asked the sales associate for your address because you forgot this. Please don't get angry with her."

Dean took the package from Castiel. He just stood there staring at him for a moment, and then remembered his manners. "Come in, Cas. Thank you. I'm sorry for what happened…"

Castiel stepped inside and Dean closed the door behind him. Castiel looked at him and gently said, "Dean, there's no reason to apologize any more than I should apologize for having blue eyes or you should apologize for having freckles. It's just part of who you are. No one thing defines you, you are the sum of the parts."

Dean felt tears sting the back of his eyes. He was not going to cry in front of Castiel along with everything else.

Castiel continued, "Can I be presumptuous and ask you to sit on the couch with me?"

Dean nodded, still concentrating on not crying.

Castiel took his hand gently and led him to the couch. Dean sat down and Castiel sat down next to him.

"Dean, I left my wife because I thought God had a higher calling for me. I became a minister and I joined the Army. I didn't think Amelia would divorce me. In my vanity, I put my needs way above hers. She was right to move along in her life after I essentially abandoned her. Sadly, what I realized after consoling so many wounded souls was I was a band-aid to a problem that was too great for me to solve. I became jaded, cynical. Then this young 18-year old boy," Castiel's voice cracked with emotion and he paused for a moment, "A kid was shot while on patrol in Afghanistan. I held him as he died, promising that he would go to Heaven. I didn't know if he'd go to Heaven, I don't even know if there is a Heaven anymore. I realized, I had no greater purpose. There was no righteous path. I was preaching hope when there wasn't any. I lost my faith. I gave up everything I built in my life for nothing. So, I sit here in front of you today as a man who doesn't know his own daughter, who works in a Gas-n-Sip, and lives in a sleazy apartment with roaches big enough to put saddles on. I did all of this to myself. I chose to fall. Whatever, you went through, I am sure you were a better person than I am. Don't judge yourself harshly."

"You made a difference."

"Not really," Castiel gave him a sad smile.

"You gave people an outlet to step away from harsh reality for a few minutes. You comforted a dying boy. It doesn't matter if it was the truth or not, it made his passing easier. Hope, even false hope, is better than no hope. When I was in the hospital, I wanted to give up so many times. But there was this one chaplain, who would come to me every other day and somehow he lifted up my spirits, even though I didn't necessarily believe what he was telling me. It's because someone cared. He cared. You cared." Dean's eyes shone with unshed tears.

Castiel hung his head for a minute. He looked up with his eyes glistening. "Thank you, Dean."

"No, Cas, thank you."

Castiel gave a short, dry laugh. "Can we just thank each other?"

Dean smiled at him. "Are you going to see Claire tomorrow on Christmas?"

Castiel shook his head no sadly. "They are visiting her step-father's family tomorrow. You can see why I wouldn't be welcome."

"Come with me to Sam's and Jess'."

"We hardly know each other. Why would you want me to attend a family function?"

"A wise man once told me that family don't end with blood." Dean gave him a smile. "If your family are dickwads that don't realize how awesome you are, mine will. 

"If you are sure they won't mind, I'd love to. It far exceeds spending Christmas at the roach hotel." Castiel looked at him shyly.

"Nah, Sam loves everyone. He's like a big puppy. Jess will just be happy I made a friend. She's a mother hen, always trying to get me to go out more." Dean grinned. "Now, let's watch _It's a Wonderful Life_."

"I haven't seen that movie."

"You're going to love it." Dean popped a bag of popcorn, grabbed two beers, and put on the DVD. Both men sat on the couch, sharing the bowl of popcorn with their shoulders lightly touching each other. It snowed lightly outside as two lost souls spent Christmas Eve together. They fell asleep together watching the movie before the bell rang for Clarence to get his wings.


End file.
